BRAND NEW: Tampon Keeper
The contents might not be much more fun than algebra homework, but our brand new Tampon Keeper will help keep you organized and ready for life's monthly pop quiz.
The contents might not be much more fun than algebra homework, but our brand new Tampon Keeper will help keep you organized and ready for life's monthly pop quiz.
It's been a busy spring here in Chicago. Baseball season kicked off, we lost adopted Chicago icon Jerry Springer, and most importantly, we inaugurated a new mayor with a progressive platform. As you may have seen, bastion of journalistic integrity Fox News recently made a visit to interview "real Chicagoans" about this...at a Naperville diner about an hour outside of town. The response from inside Chicago city limits was loud and clear: "Shut the fuck up about Chicago, you don't live here!". Thanks to a prompt from a like-minded Twitter user, we knew it was time for Harebrained to deploy our secret weapon: dumb t-shirts. You can read more about its origin here (Block Club). Chicago residents, suburban ex-pats, and homesick transplants all love our STFU About Chicago, You Don't Live Here t-shirts, which come in different colors and profanity levels (STFU, Shut the Fuck Up, and Shut the F*ck Up). We took inspiration from all of our favorite things about Chicago: baseball, our parks district, classic dive bar signage, and lots more. Make sure to get yours so you have a great conversation starter (or ender) for your next family gathering! Check out the collection here!
Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my BOOMSTICK boxer briefs! Harebrained's top of the line. You can find this in the men's underwear department. That's right, this sweet baby was designed in Chicago, IL. Retails for about a fourteen, ninety nine. It's got Ash on the butt and Boomstick on the crotch. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mar... I mean, Harebrained! You got that?
Look I get it. We're all busy and it's hard enough keeping a single thought in your head, much less being thoughtful towards the people you care about. That's why I lazily turned my Fleetwood Mac inspired shirts into easy to send Valentines. Happy Valentine's Day!
"I think Toad might be infected"
-How can you tell?
"He's got a mushroom head."
-Nah, that's just how he looks.
"Alright, if you say so... ARGHHHH TOAD NO!!!!"
And scene. Thank you for attending my Mushroom Mashup Play "The Mushroom Kingdom". Feel free to buy any merch on your way out of the theater.